Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Invitation to a Divorce

Marriage is a bedrock institution of society. Yet, about half of American marriages fail to last a lifetime. It seems inevitable in that light that a book like How to Throw a Divorce Party would come along. Here's the skinny on what's going on:

The parties seem mostly designed for women, particularly since the author of the book on the trend, Los Angeles writer Christine Gallagher, has been selling it through her website

Women spend thousands on bands and play games like "Pin the Blame on the Spouse". There's also often a divorce party cake and of course the cocktail: Marriage on the Rocks.

My reaction? How many other failures in life could we celebrate? Let's see: Getting kicked out of college, getting thrown in jail, getting fired from a good job, running over the neighbor's cat, ...

The list of party opportunities is endless, right? Pardon me, though, if I don't feel like celebrating any of the above with you.

In a rejoinder to her critics, the author says,

It's the one sort of life-changing event we have no help with. We need a ritual. We need to surround ourselves with our friends and family and say, 'Hey, it's OK. We support you. We still love you.

OK, maybe she has a point, but a revamped Irish wake might not be the best venue to provide that support. Thus, if any of my friends come looking for a shoulder to cry on after a divorce, I think I'll refrain from suggesting a party.



At 8:00 AM, Blogger ryan said...

It's sad that divorce has become the cultural norm for a marriage in our society, but I think that we are simply feeding the fire by downplaying the seriousness of it. I do have some ideas as to how we can decrease the occurence of separation, but I don't think that many people will find them to be ethical.

At 12:36 PM, Blogger Carlos L said...

I'm a beliver that if you have to seek help to fix a marriage then those people shouldn't be married. It's pointless to live your life in misery if you are not happy with your spouse. I do feel that people should be more careful in choosing a spouse but I think divorce is a necessary in many ocasions and I praise the whole concept of divorce in principle but I don't agree with all the economic technicalities such as, what most men and in some cases women fear, HALF! Most people lose a lot from divorce. I like divorce because it relieves people from a life of misery. It is understandable that some women may want to party after ending a marriage with say an abusive husband. It is also not hard to understand if a woman wants to throw a big party after gaining a bundle after a divorce or vice versa for men. That's the 21st century for you.

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Noah said...

It is pretty sad the current state of our society. Divorce seems to be causing many problems that people do not even understand. It needs to be taken very seriously.

At 7:42 PM, Blogger Nochman said...

The laws governing marriage and divorce have a lot to do with the problem; if divorce wasn't such a good way for a people to get money, we would see less rushed marriages and subsequently, less divorces and none of those 'hit the jackpot!' party plans.

At 12:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What is sad is that people don't recognize that it isn't failure that is being celebrated. Marriages end for numerous reasons people that based on little to no facts are so narrow minded.
I'm celebrating finding happiness. The end to one of the saddest times in my life. I was married 10 years, just about half of it was unhappy. Leading up to his infidelity was a year of constant disapproval, after learning of his affair I spent a year in marriage counseling and watching nothing change. People would look at my eyes and tell me they only saw sadness. These people hardly knew me before and they saw the life in me was gone. When therapy didn't work, it still took me over a year to decide to divorce. From the day I told him to the day it was final was about 10 months of hell.
It was the HARDEST thing I have ever done. And YES I will celebrate that I have a life that I can be proud of.
If you are in a happy marriage and don't understand divorce I am very happy for you. I always thought I would be married till death do us part. It just wasn't there.
God Bless those who have a wonderful happy relationship. Marriage is wonderful, when both individuals love and respect each other.

At 7:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Divorce is not a norm. I was married for 9 years and learned that the last year was a complete lie. He had been having an affair for at least a year with her...even slept with her while I was pregnant with our second child. This divorce party, that I will have, is solely for me to get with a great group of friends and celebrate me moving on. I deserve more. I am very happy for people who are in a marriage that is happy and wonderful. I will marry again because I know that I can find someone to be faithful to me.


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